Q's Gift To Riker

Final Chapters

Chapter 5

It was 0200 hours and Will could not get comfortable. Junior was kicking the hell out of him and Will felt like he was going nuts.

He looked over at Deanna who was currently sleeping peacefully."Oh, Imzadi," he thought. "I will never discount your inability to sleep at times while pregnant again."

Will laid back down on his side, and then with no coordination, he sat up again. "Damn it, Junior! Will you please lie down and go to sleep so I can sleep!" he said getting very frustrated over Junior's nightly exercise. "Geeze! Is this a sample of what you are going to put us through? Please stop kicking me! It's the middle of the night! Ah!"

Will tried to lay back down and in a couple of hours he was back to sleep, again. Now, it was Deanna's turn to be wide awake with a kicking baby. She got up and made herself some warm milk. She looked at Will and watched him sleep while she drank the warm milk. She felt so bad that he had to deal with some strange and unusual circumstances. She looked at the time when she finished her drink and decided maybe she could go back to sleep for another hour or so.

At 0700 the computer announced it was time for them to get up. Neither really wanted to get up, but then Will rememberred he was considered psychologically unfit for duty and laid back down.

"Will?"

"What?" he said grumply.

"You need to get up, dear." she kissed him gently.

"Why bother?" he asked. "You and the doctor decided I was unfit for duty."

"Alright." Deanna began. "The doctor will be here at 0800 hours. You can lay in that bed or get up and convence us you are at least fit enough to be on the bridge."

"Aye, aye, Captain." Will said mockingly and proceeded to get up very unceremoniously. "God! When will I ever be able to stand up like a man again? I can't take this anymore! Deanna, I can't stand this!" he looked at her like he was about to cry. "What am I doing? I can't cry! But I just can't stand it!"

"Don't worry, dear. It's just hormones." she tried hard not to laugh.

"Hormones! Please! This is Hell! And look at this!" he yelled. "Will you look at this! I'm developing breast!"

Deanna could not hold back any longer. She cracked up laughing so hard, she thought her sides would burst. "Deanna!" Will yelled. "This is not funny!"

"I'm sorry, Will." she apologized still laughing. "I just can't help it."

"Yeah, well, you can roll on the floor and laugh all you want. I'm going to the bathroom for the millionth time in as many hours as I have been this way." As he waddled out, he mumbled something about the baby sitting on his bladder and just would not get off. "Geeze, get off my bladder, will ya!"

Deanna continued her uncontrollable laughter. She knew her husband was so miserable and felt so sorry for him, but there was only so much a wife could take before she just could not control herself.

By 0800 hours, Deanna was back in control of herself and the doctor had arrive to see a very grumpy Riker. "How are my patients, today?" he asked.

"If you consider a man smuggling a beach ball and having sore breast is fine, then I'm fine." Will answerred.

"Oo, Cranky today are we?" the doctor responded.

"Look, you try having your bottom lip pulled over your head and see how you feel!" Will said very indignantly, then he sighed. "All I want is to be on the bridge and not be pregnant anymore. I'm afraid I'm going to be a soprano before this is all over. And men don't have breast! So why am I so sore and developing breast?"

"Gee, could it be that you're pregnant and developing milk?" the doctor remarked sarcasticly.

"Very funny, Doctor." Will glared. Deanna also glared at the doctor for his awful bedside manner, but then she focused back on Will's desire to be on the bridge.

"You know, Doctor." Deanna started to suggest. "We could let him be on the bridge as long as he doesn't make any major command decisions."

"Yes, that is an idea." the doctor considered.

"Well?" Will looked hopeful.

"The question is can you handle not making any major command decisions for right now?" the doctor asked.

"Look, doctor." Will began, gesturing at his stomach."I can barely handle this anomoly, much less what the crew is saying about all this and my breast are sore!" he cried out.

"All the more reason not to have bridge duty." the doctor affirmed.

"Doctor, I'm not going to allow Q to prevent me from doing my job!" Will yelled, getting overly emotional again."If I have to stay this way for the next four months, it would be an honour to deliver my son, just so Q does not get the last laugh and as long as I don't turn into a soprano!"

"Alright." said the doctor. "It's against my better judgement, but I'll grant you being on the bridge, just as long as you do not make any major command decisions."

"Fair enough." said Will.

Chapter 6

Will waddled onto the bridge. His ankles were killing him and he felt like he looked like he had a bad case of gout. The worst thing was his butt felt like it was on fire. It was worse when he sat in his chair. Will just could not get comfortable in it no matter which position he was in.

"Sir," his first officer addressed him. "Are you ok?"

"Oh, I'll live, but what I don't get is how one little kid can light a match before he is born and send it down your rectum."

"Really, Captain, that was a little more information than I really wanted to know." said his first officier Grant.

Deanna, who was sitting beside Will, only smiled at the remarks. She was still thinking about Will's behaviour this morning. She could not help but laugh at all his remarks, even when she tried hard not too.

Will had to give his crew credit, even with Commander Grant's remark and Deanna's smirk. They did their best to ignore his unusual condition no matter how much he waddled, wiggled, was ackward or showed. He had a pretty good crew, but he knew they talked about it behind his back. Who could resist talking about it?

Will sat and watched out the view screen. It was another peaceful, boring day with no excitement, only this time Will was being very careful for what he wished for. He did not want to deal with anything more than what he was already dealing with. He always thought that patrolling the Neutral Zone for disidents or other Romulans was the most boring job in the Galaxy. He never thought it could be exciting or interesting, but leave it to Q. He could make the dullest event exciting. However, his lack of wishing for excitement did not keep it from happening, for at that moment another Q popped onto the bridge.

"Who are you?" Will asked.

"Well, this is a site!" the new Q said with a smile. "Don't tell me! Q knocked you up, too!"

"That's not an answer." Will responded, trying hard to ignore the remark.

"I'm from the Continuum. The name's Suzie." she held out her hand and then retracted it when Will did not shake her hand.

"Sounds like a song." said the helmsman.

"Or an old Earth dessert." commented another.

Next, Mrs. Q popped in and Will said to himself, "Oh great! Just great!"

"I wouldn't know." Mrs. Q said. "Why don't you ask the chocolate expert?" Gesturing to Deanna. "I do digress, don't I?" Mrs. Q continued when she saw Deanna's face glaring at her. "Anyway, I thought Q was going to put things back the way they should be."

"Not until I get you to cool your jets." Will informed."Which I hope is soon, I'm tired of all these bizarre changes and I really would rather not deal with anymore for my ankles are killing me."

"Hum." Mrs. Q thought.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Suzie Q asked Mrs. Q.

"I think so. Captain, why don't you have a seat?" suggested Mrs. Q. "I think you'll be more comfortable while you watch the show."

"Excuse me?" Will asked.

"Well, Captain, Suzie and I are Q's. We could put Junior back for you and then scattered Q's molecules all over the Universe or vise-versa, if you prefer."

The thought was tempting, because his butt and his ankles were killing him. Then there were the other things he had experienced. Things that no man should ever have to experience, but before he could reconsider Q made his appearance on the bridge.

"Oh, please, girls!" Q pleaded. "I beg for mercy!"

"Q, you never told me you were already mated!" Suzie accused.

"An oversight, I do assure you., Suzie Q."

"Don't ever call me that!" she hissed.

"Ladies!" Will interrupted. "If we could discuss this civilly."

"Ladies? I'm appaulled!" said Q.

"Civil? With him?" Mrs. Q pointed to Q. "Please!"

"Look, I am in no mood for this." Will stated with lots of irritation in his voice. "As you said Q, one is very bitchy when they are pregnant and do you know why?"

"Oh, please do tell!" Q taunted.

"Because their ligaments, joints and other body parts are being pulled out of place! On top of it all, the baby gets a hold of matches and sets your butt on fire! Then, they get a ten gallon bucket of water and pour it all over your insides, especially in your ankles." Will reported. "And the biggest thing is, one can not get any sleep, because the kid thinks nighttime is playtime and not sleeptime! Thus, you become very bitchy! So if you are smart, you'll all get the hell off my bridge until you are ready to discuss this civilly and put Junior where he belongs!" Then Will waddles back to his chair and adds, "Now, if you don't mind, I am going to rest my dogs. They're killing me." and then he sits down without any gracefulness.

"Well," said Q. "How ungrateful! I gave you a wonderful gift!"

"Q!" Mrs. Q yelled at him. "I can spread your molecules across the Universe first if you like."

"Oh, really. You're going to allow him to complain about pregnancy?"

Mrs. Q was about to zap him, but Deanna intervened. "Mrs. Q, before you do that, tell me what would you accomplish if you killed your husband for his indiscretion?"

"You know," Will threw in from his chair. "Q was just being a typical male." Will tried to defend, but cringed at the thought and Deanna threw darts his way with her eyes.

Q then exclaimed, "Yes, that's it! Though I haven't the foggiest idea why."

Everyone glared at Q, so he added with sarcasm, "Too human like."

Deanna was not happy with how this was going. "As I was saying," she said with irratation. "I really don't think that would solve the current problem."

"Oh, that's good, Counselor." Q remarked. "I could hire you as my attorney. You could do wonders for my defense."

Mrs. Q and Suzie were silent for a moment. Then Mrs. Q responded, "You're right. I'll go with my second plan. I'll make him carry my baby."

"How about both our babies?" Suzie offerred.

"Even better!" Mrs. Q said evilly.

"Now girls, please wait!" Q protested, but before he could say another word, both babies were in his stomach and he showed every bit of having twins.

Deanna, Suzie, and Mrs. Q, along with a few crew members laughed at the site of Q and his bulging stomach.

"Please!" Q continued to plead with them.

Deanna took this opportunity to get her punch in. "Now, about my husband and baby."

"OK." Q gave in with disappointment. "Your baby is back where he belongs."

Deanna felt a jolt of extra weight suddenly, but even with the sudden shock she realized all was fine, now.

"Now, joke's over, girls. Take back your babies." Q demanded.

"No!" the two female Q's said in unison. Then Mrs. Q added, "You're going to spend nine Earth months like that as punishment."

"You're not serious!" Q exclaimed.

"Hey, it could be worse." Will consoled. "It could be ten Betazoid months."

"Very funny, Mr. Troi." Q retorted.

The two female Q's popped off the bridge and Q screamed, "Hey! Wait a minute!" and then followed them off Riker's bridge.

"Good riddance!" Riker exclaimed.

Q poked his head back in and said, "I heard that and if I were not stuck this way, I would get you for that statement." And then he slide backwards out of the wall of the ship.

Will then turned to Deanna and said, "I am so glad you are the one who has that job." tilting his head toward her stomach.

Deanna jabbed him in the arm.

"Hey!" grabbing the side of his arm and pulling it close to his chest. "They're still tender! Besides, I was afraid of the C-Section."

"Yeah, but I got the job of commanding temporarily, along with being pregnant." she concluded to insinuate women, unlike men, could do both jobs.

"I'm hurt!" Will replied, faking being emotionally injuried.

"Well," Deanna got serious. "I have to go write my report."

"Yes," Will said, looking disappointed that the incident had to be wrote up and filed. "I really wish you and the doctor did not have to write that report, but it's standard proceedure.

Deanna sympathised and touched his shoulder before she departed to her office.

Epilogue

Captain's Personal Log

Stardate: 4023101.5

I sit here in my Ready Room contemplating the last couple of days. They've been a real experience to say the least.

I always thought I had respect for a pregnant woman and her condition. Now, I realize it was only admiration and lack of real understanding of what they go through.

Although Q did not have me experience Morning Sickness, he did allow me to experience everything else by way of being pregnant. It was only a small example of what it is like to care for a child, while it is in the mother's womb. An experience that I will not forget anytime soon, nor do I want to experience again.

The mood swings and physical changes, to say the very least, are hell for a man to experience. How a woman copes with all of that is beyond me, but I have real respect for them because they do succeed in dealing with the stresses of pregnancy and all their other responsibilities. Deanna really took charge when I could not and even though she was having all the same experiences that I had during that time with our daughter, she took care of me and the ship. My ship is still in one piece too, I might add.

He thought about all the teasing Deanna had to indure after the Enterprise D crashed and smiled. It was a rough time for her after that, but pregnancy, taking care of a whiny pregnant husband and a ship had to be even rougher.

God, I love her and admire her for being able to do it all. I just could not be that strong. Hell, I couldn't even run my own ship, but Deanna did. She gave orders and responsibilites even under all that stress of pregnancy. To be able to be pregnant and do all the things she does is a lot to deal with, but she does it. We are really a true team.

Will pauses again for a moment. Leans back comfortably in his chair and smiles again, with a lot of pride this time.

I don't regret my behaviour I displayed during that short time, not even for a minute. For I have learned that I have a wonderful family. A very close knit family and unlike other fathers, I have had the fortunate opportunity to experience a close, intimate relationship with my son that no other man has ever experienced. I feel extremely fortunate and blessed.

Never again though, do I want him to set my butt on fire, give me three bulging places in my torsal area or drive me to tears. I think I would rather have a phaser set on stun up my butt and the ten gallon bucket of water poured over my head! As for the tears? I somehow have this feeling I may not be able to avoid the tears part or any other emotions he had given me during our breif period of closeness. That maybe the best part though, for with the tears comes joy.

Will sits silent for a moment with a smile. He felt like the happiest man in the Universe.

My son won't remember any of this, of course, but he will probably hear about and even though he was a royal pain in the ass at times to me, with keeping me up half the night, setting my butt on fire and sitting on my bladder, making me constantly want to pee, I still felt very close to him. Not just physically, but emotionally, too. I guess he is all boy, though, with pulling stunts like that! Of course if he ever does that to me again, I'm going to spank his butt royally for it!

In retrospect, I can honestly say I carried my son for two solid days out of his mother's pregnancy. Q may have thought it was very funny to watch me go through all those things, but I feel I'm the one who is laughing now. Whether Q knows it or not, he's given me the best gift that no one else can give a man. Who knows, though, with having to carry his own children clear to term and all, he might eventually realize it. I can truly say I have everything a man could ever want and need. I have the greatest family in the world and nothing could be better than that.

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