The Surmounting of Pain and Suffering

Chapters Seven through Nine

Chapter Seven

It was 1300 hours and Deanna walked into Sickbay to check on Susan, but first she stopped by to talk to Beverly. She had sense Beverly's feelings when she left the Bridge and noticed her smile. The smile was more directed at her, than at Captain Picard, so she felt that maybe this time was a good time to approach Beverly.

"Deanna!" Beverly greeted with a smile, then her face became apologetic. "I am so sorry for how I treated you earlier."

"It's ok." Deanna said. "We've been under a lot of pressure lately."

"It's still no excuse for how I've treated you." Beverly replied remorsely and then offered Deanna a hug.

Deanna accepted her hug and when she pulled away she asked, "So how is our patient?"

"She's conscious, but I had to sedate her, so she's not very coherent."

"Why did you have to sedate her?" Deanna asked.

"Seems she was upset because we did not let her die." Beverly answered. "She started getting very upset and tried to leave here. She's very weak from all the blood loss as well. Add to it the fact she has been hypervigilant for quite a while and not eating like she should have been." Beverly trailed off.

Deanna looked over to the drowsy young woman and frowned sadly. "Looks like we have a lot of work to do before she's going to leave here."

Beverly nodded. "Looks like it. We were right though. I did some scans and it appears she was not taking the medication you prescribed her."

Deanna sighed and turned back to Beverly. "I had guessed as much, but why did you prescribe Fluoxetine?"

Beverly shook her head. "I guess, since we had a feeling she was not taking what you gave her, I could out do you. I know, very unprofessional of me and I should not have done it to one up you. I should have put more thought into it, but with us giving it to her in Sickbay, she will be taking it and we can see if it helps or not."

"Beverly, let's make an agreement that we will not do this again." Deanna requested. "We made a lot of mistakes last night due to our exhaustion and stress at the time."

"I agree." Beverly said. "If we had started arguing before I finished with her, we may have made more mistakes and she might not have been here now. Even immediately afterwards, like we did, could have been bad too. Guess we were all lucky."

"Yes, maybe so, but I do think, that we should save our disagreements until we ourselves have recovered from the crisis of the moment."

Beverly nodded. "Would you like to talk with Susan?"

"Yes, I would. Although, I haven't figured out what approach I'm going to take, I do need to find out what she was thinking at the time and see if we can work from there."

"Well, she's all yours." Beverly said and gestured in Susan's direction. Then whispered in a teasing voice, "Have fun with our favourite patient."

Deanna giggled. "Yes, she is a treat to work with."

Deanna walked over to Susan's bedside. "How do you feel?"

Susan looked at her for a moment, then in a soft, weak voice she said, "You should have left me."

"Susan, you know I could not have done that." Deanna said. "My job is to help you, not let you hurt yourself."

Susan frowned and did not say a word. Deanna studied her for a moment as she tried to think of what to ask her next.

"Besides the obvious, what was it you were thinking about at the time?"

"I couldn't sleep for the pain." Susan's voice was still very weak. "Want to sleep."

"What do you mean by the pain?"

"I don't want to talk about it." She said sadly.

"OK, we can wait until you feel better, but you will need to talk about it sometime." Deanna told her.

"I'll never feel better." Susan said sadly.

"Oh, I don't know." Deanna replied. "Never is a big word."

"I want to sleep." Susan said again.

"OK, I think that would be a good idea for now." Deanna said, even though she knew Susan, in part, was trying to avoid. The ordeal Susan put herself through and the sedative were also enough to make her feel like sleeping.

"Can't sleep though." Susan said weakly.

"I think, eventually you will." Deanna said as she observed her drowsy patient. Deanna knew Susan could not fight the sedative's effects too much longer and would probably doze off soon.

"Susan, I'll be back tomorrow to check on you." Deanna informed. "Maybe you'll feel like talking more then."

Deanna started to turn away until she felt Susan's hand reaching for her. "Stay." She said in a soft pleading voice.

Deanna sensed Susan was sincere and was not trying to manipulate at this point. "Alright, I will for a few minutes."

Susan removed her hand from Deanna's hand. She had not gripped Deanna's hand. Only lightly touched it, but it was enough to get her attention.

Deanna finally added, "On condition you try to relax and get some rest so we can talk more later."

Susan gave a slow weak nod. "Now, close your eyes. You're safe here." Deanna informed her.

Susan stared at her for a moment, but then finally closed her eyes. Remembering the holodeck program she had been running a few days ago, Deanna asked, "You like the beach?"

Susan nodded.

"Think about the sound of the waves as they roll up to the beach." Deanna said softly. "While you are listening to the sounds of the waves, picture yourself lying on the soft sand and feeling the sun's warm rays."

Susan began to have a faint smile on her face as she laid there with her eyes close. "Keep your eyes closed and continue to think about the sound of the waves."

Deanna did not say another word as she waited for Susan to fall asleep. She could sense Susan was begining to relax and soon she was fast asleep.

Deanna walked back over to Beverly. "Well, I got her to relax so she could sleep. She was really trying hard to fight the sedative you gave her."

"Well, I didn't give her a strong one." Beverly admitted. "Just enough that she would not be so aggitatad. I figured, given the fact she had lost so much blood and her size, she's really too weak for something strong."

"Maybe, but she's doing fine now." Deanna stated. "Would I be in your way if I came in to see her at 1000 hours tomorrow?"

"No, not at all." Beverly replied. "That would be a very good time."

"I don't know how much better she will be tomorrow, but I would like to come in every day at 1000 hours to touch base with you and check on her." Deanna said. "If I can get her started talking before she leaves here, we will have a start at least. I would also like to see if I can have her quarters switched so she has a roommate. It won't necessarily stop her from harming herself, but it might detour it a little."

"I think I know what you are saying." Beverly answered. "Plus, she'll have some company and won't be entirely alone."

Deanna nodded. "That's part of the idea. I think if we can find someone her own age, that would be good for her. Get her socializing more, or at least not so isolated."

Beverly agreed. "Well." Deanna began. "I have another appointment in a few minutes and I'd like to jot down some notes before they come."

Deanna started to leave. "Deanna?"

"Yes?" She said as she turned back around toward Beverly.

"I didn't mean what I said last night about you not doing your job." Beverly stated. "I think you do a very good job for what you have to deal with."

Deanna smiled. "Thank you, Beverly. I'll see you tomorrow."

Beverly nodded as she watched her friend leave, then went back her task.

Chapter Eight

A few days later, Deanna enters Sickbay to see Susan throwing a fit. Beverly was trying to calm her down and encourage her to eat real food. Physically, Susan was doing better, but emotionally no one was quite sure with all her irratic behaviours.

"NO!" Susan screamed and the breakfast tray flew to the floor. "I WILL NOT EAT!"

"Well, not now." Beverly said with frustration, while looking at the tray and food that had been scattered to the floor.

"Beverly." Deanna said calmly. "I know I'm early, but may I take over."

"Be my guest. In fact I am glad you've come early." Beverly said still frustrated. "She's all your's." Beverly gestured towards Susan.

Deanna walked over to Susan. "Susan."

Susan looked quickly away from Deanna and stared straight ahead. "Not you too?"

"No, you can relax." Deanna said. "Although I would like to know why you refuse to eat."

"I'm fat and ugly." She replied.

"I hardly think, being a little more than thirty-two kilos at 163 centimeters is fat." Deanna stated.

"I am!" She cried.

"What makes you say that?"

"He did."

"Who is he?"

Susan clammed up and refused to talk. Deanna sensed the emotions she was feeling.

"McKinley?" Deanna asked.

Susan shook her head no and tears came flooding out of her eyes. She tried hard to hold them back.

"The old bastard!" Susan finally said in anger.

"Would you like to elaberate?" Deanna asked.

"He hurt me, called me names and would not leave me alone."

Deanna decided to let her continue and try to figure out who she was talking about. "Go on."

Susan continued with her story of when she was a little girl. Deanna at first felt all the feelings on the surface, but the longer Susan talked the more she fought to shove the feelings down deep inside.

As Susan told her story, Deanna got the feeling she was listening to a woman, although human, who grew up in a Bajoran prison camp. The girl told of similar horrors and before Deanna knew it, the girl had buried her feelings. It was almost as though she were talking to Data.

Deanna probed deeper into Susan's subconscious and there was the buried feelings, waiting to erupt. The dread, terror, and pain. One feeling that was being suppressed, but trying to reach the surface, was the desire to end the pain.

Deanna became a bit concern, but kept her concern, for the time being, to herself and continued listening to the woman.

When she was finished, her emotions were in check. She showed a face that was without feeling. Total numbness and her voice was almost distant.

Deanna was almost amazed how the woman buried everything into her subconscious. "There was nothing I could do to stop him." Susan finally said in a soft voice as she stared out into space.

Deanna gather her thoughts. "You were a child. There was nothing you could do."

Susan shook her head. "I could have ran. Something. Anything."

"Susan, it's not a cure, but do you like chocolate?" Deanna asked.

Susan shrugs, seemingly totally emotionless. "Sometimes. Why?"

"I'll be back for lunch." Deanna smiled. "And I'll bring you something really good."

"Well, we will work on this some more later." Deanna said, then she went to talk to Beverly. "Beverly, I sensed something from Susan that I feel may be worth noting and even placing her back on precautions."

"You serious?" Beverly asked.

"Well, I'm not certain, but I feel that what I sensed is worth precautions, but don't let her know she is on precautions again."

"No, I won't." Beverly said and then asked. "Has she agreed to eat anything?"

"Well, I promised to bring her something for lunch."

"Deanna, don't go messing up the diet I have her on." Beverly scolded with a finger pointing at Deanna. "She needs all the nourishment she can get."

"Don't worry." Deanna said with a smile. "I'll have the replicator put a supplement into the chocolate sundae."

"Oh, you!" Beverly said playfully. "OK, if she eats it, I'll let it go this time. At least there's calcium in ice cream."

"That's the goal." Deanna said. "Maybe she's not a child, but I've never met an unhappy woman who could refuse chocolate."

Deanna began to depart from Sickbay and Beverly said smiling, "OK, see you then."

Deanna got to her office to find a patient at her door in tears. She was early to her appointment. Five hours early, but she sat with her knees up to her chest, arms wrapt around her knees and her head face down into the opening her arms left.

"Sora?"

Sora jumped out of her skin, but then realized it was Counselor Troi. "Oh, hi." She said wiping the tears from her face. Her heart was racing.

"Would you like to come on in and talk about it?" Deanna offered.

"No, I. I'm early." Sora stammered, shaking her head, and looking like she was going to cry again.

"It's alright, you can come in and we can talk now." Deanna reassured her.

"OK."

The two went into Deanna's office. Sora took a seat in one of the chairs and Deanna took the one oppisite of her.

"So, what's going on, Sora?"

"I'm suppose to be on duty at 1700, but I keep having these dreams." Sora admitted. "I was doing well for awhile and they're back, tonight. Or my night that is."

"Your appointment is at 1500." Deana said. "So I assume you were going to come here first, then grab something before you go on duty?"

"Yes, that's why I'm trying to get some sleep now." Sora said. "But I can't, I just keep dreaming."

"The usual dreams?"

"Yes." Sora confirmed. "The one where the Gul is dragging a woman out of the group of workers and taking her away. She screams and struggles because she knows why he's taking her away and the Gul hits her for struggling."

"A memory from your childhood?"

"Actually, no." Sora said. "It happened just before we were liberated from them. I was maybe sixteen at the time."

"How did you feel then?"

"Angry. I hated them for raping and eventually killing my mother." Sora said. "I saw her die before my eyes."

"I seem to remember you brought this up before." Deanna said. "I can imagine how painful that may have been for you."

Sora started crying again. "I knew they would eventually come for me. It would not be a beating for not obeying eventually. They would come for me like they did all the women."

"What was it like living with that fear?"

She shook her head, tears still running down her face. "I watched the Cardassian children running around and playing, but I had to work. I couldn't play and if I did I got hurt."

"What did it feel like when the Federation came and freed all the Bajorans?"

"I didn't know what to do with myself." Sora said, wiping away the tears. "I guess that's why I joined Starfleet, but the superior men scare me."

"What happen yesterday, when you were on duty?" Deanna asked.

"Well, I screwed up the day before and Commander Riker wanted to talk to me before I went about my duties." She said. "I was scared to death."

"Well, I'm sure Commander Riker didn't act like a Cardassian." Deanna said.

"No, but I was scared he would and all these pictures from my childhood popped into my head."

"And what really happened?" Deanna asked, knowing full well the young woman's fears did not come true.

"Nothing really." Sora said. "He just talked to me about my error and that was about it. Nothing more."

"But, you were still scared?"

"Yes."

"Were you relieved after he dismissed you?"

"Yes. I was." Sora affirmed.

"How did that feel?"

"Like something I've never experienced before, but during my whole shift, I felt like it was not over."

"But it was." Deanna assured her.

"I knew that on the surface, but I still felt something else was going to happen." Sora said.

"But it didn't." Deanna said.

"No, it didn't, but now the dreams are back."

"I can see why." Deanna said. "What do you see when you look at Commander Riker?"

"I see a man."

"Anything more?"

"He is handsome." Sora smiled, then remembered who she was talking to and stopped smiling. "Oh, but I didn't mean anything by that."

Deanna smiled back. "I know and you're right. He is handsome."

"But he can still scare me."

Deanna shook her head with understanding. "Yes, but just remember, he is not Cardassian. Your superior, yes, but not a Cardassian."

"You're right." Sora said a little more at ease. "I just wished I could have realized that yesterday."

"Well, shall we cancel this afternoon so you can get some rest before you go on duty?"

Sora gave Deanna a look of uncertainty. "I don't know. I'm afraid the dreams are back."

"Try to think of something positive and if you still have trouble sleeping then come see me at 1500. If you don't show up, I'll assume you were able to get to sleep, finally."

"OK." Sora agreed. Then she left and Deanna set about writing her notes.


Deanna had chocolate sundaes with Susan at lunch time, then she finished out the day with her various appointments. She had a break at 1500, for Sora did not show up, again. She was rather thankful for that, because she needed a break from her day and she was glad one of her patients was more calm.

It had been a long day and she was glad it was over. She walked into her quarters and met Will. "Oh, Will, I'm so glad to see you."

She gave him a big hug and kiss. "What's this all about?" He asked.

"Just for being you." She said as she looked up and smiled at him, but kept her arms around his neck.

"Well, why don't we go get a bite to eat and then call it a day?"

"What?" Deanna said surprised. "Not cooking for me tonight?"

"Well, I thought I'd take you out tonight." He said. "You've been working very hard lately."

"Why thank you, Imzadi." She smiled and kissed him with a long passionate kiss.

When she broke the kiss, Will said, "You know, if you keep kissing me this way, I might get other ideas and not take you out."

Deanna giggled then removed her arms and grabbed his hand to leave. "You better take me out."

They went out and then came back to their quarters. Deanna and Will were cuddled up on the couch, just relaxing. Just as Will was about to kiss Deanna, Beverly called on the comm.

*Sickbay to Troi*

Will groaned out his disappointment and Deanna rubbed the side of his cheek with sympathy.

"Troi here."

*I need you to come down to Sickbay, immediately.*

Deanna could hear Susan screaming hysterically in the background. She looked at Will who looked very unhappy. "Beverly, can't you handle it?"

"I'd rather not have to sedate her again if we can help it."

Deanna sighed and gave Will an apologitic look. "I'm on my way." Then she looked back at Will again. "I'm sorry."

She gave him a quick kiss and left for Sickbay. When she walked into to Sickbay, she was flooded with images of Susan's childhood. Horrific images. She was not sure how the pictures in Susan's mind came to her, but they did. Deanna felt Susan's pain, dispair, violation, and fear.

"Don't touch me!" She growled out. "Leave me alone!"

Beverly and her staff were trying to restrain her to keep her from hurting herself and others. "Deanna." Beverly said. "If you can't calm her down I'll have to sedate her."

Deanna stood staring at the situation or at least that was what Beverly preceived. "Deanna!"

The images from Susan flowed through Deanna's mind. The images from when she experienced the mind rape started blending into the images she sensed from Susan. Deanna tried to shake the images and the feelings that were coming towards her and developing within her.

However, she could not shake them. She tried to just ignore them.

"I'm sorry, Beverly." Deanna said. Then she tried to calmly speak to Susan. "Susan, you have to calm down or Dr. Crusher will have to sedate you. Then I won't be able to talk with you."

Deanna knew she was not being very effective. The images became stronger and stronger in her mind. First, it was a scared little girl with an older man violating her. That, Deanna knew, was from Susan, but then Jev's face came to her mind and those images of him and his mind rape increased in her mind. She could not make the images go away. She could not shake them.

"Don't let him touch me!" Susan screamed.

"Susan, it's ok." Deanna tried to reassured. "No one will hurt you here."

"NO!" She screamed. The emotions hit Deanna hard and the images that were once a mixture of hers and Susan's became hers alone. The difference was the images had changed since the actual mind rape. Jev was in her mind. Violating her. It was his face she saw this time. Jev's face discending down towards hers. She felt the desire to push him away, but she knew it was all in her mind, unlike Susan.

Susan was still in hysterics and Deanna was having problems concentrating on her task at hand. Jev provaded her mind. It was only a memory of what happened, but he was there and it felt as real as the first time.

"Get him away from me!" Susan shouted.

Deanna heard Susan's words and realized she had been seeing Susan's waking dream, but she was now lost in her own nightmere. She could not shake the feelings.

Deanna looked at Beverly with a helpless look and shook her head. "Give her..."

Deanna did not hear anymore. She started to leave, but Beverly stopped her.

"Deanna, what just happened?" Beverly demandingly asked as she pulled Deanna to the side.

"I." Deanna began with a sad look on her face. As she continued, her sentences came out in short clips and she paused between them. "I don't know. I think I need tomorrow off. I need a break."

"Deanna, are you ok?" Beverly asked.

Deanna shook her head. Then with more emotion and waving one hand, Deanna said, "Tell Susan I'm sick in the morning. Anything. I don't care."

Then Deanna exited Sickbay and ran back to Will as fast as she could. As the doors slid open she ran into their quarters.

"Deanna?" Will rose from where he was sitting. "Is everything alright?"

She threw her arms around him. "Hold me!" She cried. "Just hold me, please!"

He wrapped his arms around her with lots of concern. "Deanna, what's wrong?"

She shook her head. "I don't know!" She cried. "I thought I was over it, but I'm not!"

"Over what?" He asked in confussion.

She shook her head. "Deanna, let's go sit down."

Will guided her back to the couch and they sat down as he continued to comfort her in his arms.

She told him that at first she was hit with the emotions and images of the patient's waking dream, but then it slowly turned into Jev. She pulled herself closer to Will and buried her face into his chest.

Will let her cry as he tried to comfort her. Once her tears were quieted, Will began to talk to her softly. "It's alright."

"No, it's not." Deanna insisted and turning her head to it's side and still holding on to Will. "I let her down. I let everyone down."

"No, Deanna, you just need some time off." Will said and kissed the top of her head.

"I told Bev, before I came back here, that I would not be in tomorrow."

"Maybe you should consider having someone else work with this patient." Will suggested.

Deanna lifted her tear stained face off of Will's chest and look straight at him. "No, I'll be fine. She's started to open up to me. Another counselor would have to start all over again. I can't do that to her."

"Deanna, if it's going to be a problem for you."

Deanna shook her head. "Will, all I need right now is you and sometime off." She insisted and laid her head back down on his chest. "I'll be fine."

"OK." He said. "But if you continue to have problems, I'm going to have Beverly assign the patient to someone else."

Will was not saying it, but Deanna knew he knew which patient it was from recent events. She finally agreed to the last.

"For tonight, just hold me, Will." Will held her closed and kissed the top of her head. Then when she fell asleep, Will gently slipped out from under her and sought out Beverly to inform her why Deanna was not going to be in the next day.

When he returned, Deanna was still asleep. She jumped out of her skin when he tried to get her to bed.

"Sh, Imzadi." He said softly. "It's alright. It's just me."

She relaxed and let him carry her off to bed. This time he stayed with her and held her the rest of the night.

Chapter Nine

Beverly came by the next morning to talk to Deanna. "Deanna, if it weren't for Will coming by my office, I would not know whether to be angry with you or concerned."

"Will told you what happen?" Deanna asked in shocked.

"He's just as concerned about you as I am." Beverly stated. "And quite frankly, I'm not sure if you can handle Susan."

"It was just a strange fluke that's all, Beverly." Deanna insisted. "A little time off and I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Beverly asked with concern.

Deanna sat on the arm of the couch and for the first time she looked confused. "You know, what I don't get is how I saw what she was dreaming."

"What do you mean?" Beverly asked completely confused.

"She had a waking dream or Nightterror." Deanna stated. "She looked awake, but she was not."

Beverly appeared to comprehend what Deanna was saying. "And you saw her dream?"

"Yes and I don't know how I did." Deanna said. "I just did."

"Are you sure you weren't thinking about what she told you happened to her and a memory of Jev ended up coming to mind?"

"It was her dream, Beverly." Deanna stated firmly. "Which turned into one of my memories. I just don't get any of it."

"Deanna, you're only Human." Beverly consoled, until she saw the look on Deanna's face. "OK, part Human, but Betazoids aren't immuned. It could happen to anyone."

"Maybe so." Deanna said sadly.

"I still think you need to give this case to someone else." Beverly suggested. "There are others on board with degrees in Psychology who are perfectly capable."

"No." Deanna said adamently. "They would have to just start all over with her to gain her trust and frankly, Beverly, she doesn't have the time for that. You would probably see her in your Sickbay again."

"OK, Take some time off and get yourself together." Beverly said and then sternly said, "But if it happens again, I'm going to assign Susan to someone else. Understood?"

Deanna nodded in resignation.

Beverly softened. "If you need to talk." Beverly did not have to finish her sentence for Deanna to understand. "I'll be in Sickbay."

"Thank you, Beverly." Deanna replied. "But I'd rather stay out of Sickbay today."

"OK, suit yourself." Then Beverly left.

For the rest of the day, Deanna meditated, relaxed, and collected her thoughts. She found it very relaxing to be away from her usual grind and enjoyed every minute of her day off duty.


The next day Deanna felt refreshed and ready to go back to duty. Her first stop was Sickbay to check on Susan.

"You look like you're in a better mood today, Deanna." Beverly greeted.

"I am." Deanna affrimed with a smile. "How is Susan doing?"

"Well, as you requested, I still have her on precautions." Beverly informed. "She's very edgy, but physically she is doing much better. If it weren't for her emotional state, I would release her."

"Emotionally she is still the same." Deanna said with a slight sadness in her voice.

"Yes." Beverly said. "She is eating a little. Very little. I'd averaged maybe twenty percent of her meals at most."

Deanna sighed. "Well, I guess I'd better get back to work."

Beverly watched the counsoler as she left her office. She was still concerned about whether or not she should reassign Susan, but decided she would stick to her word. For now at least.

"Good morning, Susan." Deanna greeted.

"Where were you yesterday?" Susan asked.

"I had to take the day off for personal business." Deanna told her. "I hear you are doing better."

Susan shrugged. "I guess."

"I heard Lieutenent Barcley paid you a visit." Deanna said.

"Yes, he's a nice guy." Susan said. "Weird, but nice."

Deanna chuckled. "Yes, he is different. Very creative."

"Too bad he's older than I am." Susan said.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well." Susan started to say. "Nothing."

Deanna sensed Susan was interested in the junior officer. "Well, maybe one of these days, when you're better, you can ask him to Ten Forward or maybe another holodeck simulation."

"You think?" Susan smiled.

"On your own time of course and not when one of you needs to be else where." Deanna added.

"He probably would say no." Susan said sadly.

"What makes you say that?" Deanna asked.

"I don't know." Susan answered. "Lots of reasons I guess."

"Well, you'll never know until you get out of here and ask him." Deanna said with a smile. "Now, let's talk about you."

Susan laid her head back on her pillow. She had regular clothes on and was allowed to be out of bed now, but she could not leave Sickbay unescorted.

"I'm really tired of being in here." Susan said as though she had some cabin fever.

"You know, Susan, you're right." Deanna said cheerfully. "Why don't we have a session in the holodeck?"

"You mean you're going to let me out of here?" She with excitement in her voice.

"Well, for a little while." Deanna said. "But when we are finished, you have to come back here."

"Oh." She said sadly. "I was really hoping to get out of here."

"We'll find things to pass your time with, while you're here and when we feel you are ready to leave here, you will." Deanna told her.

Susan sighed and got off the bed. "Well, take me to the holodeck, so I can spend a little time out of this dump."

Deanna chuckled at Susan's statement.

The two walked out of the area Susan was in and past Beverly. "I'm going to take her out for a bit." Deanna informed Beverly. "We'll be in the holodeck if you need us."

"OK." Beverly said. "I'm glad you're doing that for her."

Deanna and Susan arrived at holodeck three. "Well, what shall we do?" Deanna asked Susan.

"I like the beach." Susan said. "On the shores of Pocono."

"OK." Deanna answered and the program was soon ready.

"Enter when ready." The computer replied.

The two entered and they sat on the beach and talked. "So, why do you like the beach so much?" Deanna asked Susan.

"It was the only place I could get away and be alone." Susan said.

"Weren't there other people there?" Deanna asked.

"No, I would always go to a part of the beach were there was little or no people."

"I see." Deanna replied. "So tell me why you didn't stay with the crowds."

Susan got up and went to play with the waves. Deanna knew Susan was avoiding. "Counselor, come join me. The water is great."

"No, I don't have time to change after we're done here." Deanna informed. "Besides, you haven't answered my question."

Susan came back to where Deanna sat and plopped herself onto her belly on the sand, beside her. "OK."

Susan finally talked with Deanna about her childhood. Susan made many attempts to avoid the subject and Deanna brought her right back to the topic.

"So, Susan, have you ever thought how all this could relate to some of the relationships you've had as a young adult?" Deanna asked.

"Not really." Susan replied. "I'm just a big screw up. That's all."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Deanna said. "Even though you are on Sick Leave right now, you're still in Starfleet."

"Yes, but how long 'til I screw that up too?" Susan inquired.

"You know what I think?" Deanna asked.

Susan shook her head no and Deanna continued. "I think the reason you think you are a screw up is because of old tapes running through your head."

"What?" Susan looked at Deanna as though she were crazy.

"The mind stores what it hears, feels, sees and everything else it reaceives through the senses." Deanna told Susan. "I think everything that you were told as a child, is getting replayed in your head still and you are listening to it still."

Susan was listening to every word Deanna was saying. "You know what I would like you to do?" Deanna asked her.

Susan shook her head no. "I want you to change that negative thought and all other negative thoughts into positive thoughts." Deanna told her.

"Like, how would I do that?" Susan asked.

"Everytime you hear yourself say you are a screw up, tell yourself you are not, that you are a worthwhile person and that you can succeed."

Susan looked as though she were thinking about what the counsoler was saying. Deanna continued. "Everytime you hear yourself say you're ugly, tell yourself you are an attractive and worthwhile person."

"This will help?" Susan asked.

"It's a start." Deanna said. "But yes, it will help."

"I'll try." Susan said.

"OK, I need to get you back to Sickbay." Deanna said.

"Great, now I'll be stuck in there the rest of the day." Susan said with disappointment.

"No." Deanna said. "Not all day. We'll find you something to do and someone will let you out of there from time to time today. OK?"

"As long as I'm not in there all day." Susan said. "Too stuffy."

Deanna giggled at her statement. "Yes, it is."

Deanna returned her to Sickbay and spoke to Beverly once more before she departed. "Beverly, I think it would be very helpful, since she is physically better, to get her out of here once in a while and do other things, besides sit here."

"I agree." Beverly said.

"Can you spare someone to take her out of here for lunch and maybe dinner?"

"I can see what I can do." Beverly said. "But I can't promise. You know how crazy it can get in here, sometimes."

"Oh, I know." Deanna said. "When you can. That's all I'm asking."

"Lieutenent Barcley asked to take her for a walk." Beverly informed Deanna.

"What did you say?"

"Well, given the night before, I didn't think it would be a good idea if he did." Beverly said. "I think one of my staff members would be more effective to do that."

Deanna looked out the window of Beverly's office, toward Susan. She was sitting on her bed looking bored out of her mind, which Deanna knew that would not be good for her to do the majority of her day. "What if they were chaperoned by one of the staff." Deanna suggested. "That would insure she would diffenently get back here and not influence Lieutenent Barcley not to return her here."

"It's an idea." Beverly said thoughtfully. "She would have something to do, socialize, and could be theraputic. I'll consider it, but Barcley has his share of problems too."

"Another reason to have someone accompany them." Deanna said. "She seems to have taken a liking to him and even with all his problems, I really feel he'd be a good influence on her and a friend."

"If he comes by to visit again and I can spare the staff, I'll consider it." Beverly said. "But you know as well as I do, she's not stable enough to get out of our sight."

"I realize that." Deanna said. "But it will not help her to stay cooped up in Sickbay all day."

Beverly sighed. "You're right, Deanna. Kind of makes you wish we were closer to a Starbase or something, to drop her off, so she could get the attention she really needs."

"Well, we're not." Deanna said a little irritated. "So, we have to do the best we can until then. Hopefully, when we are close enough, she won't need it and be able to start going back to normal life and maybe back to duty. As long as she is here, we have to try."

Beverly nodded. "OK, if I can spare a staff member, I'll have them escort her around so she can get out of here from time to time."

"Thanks, Beverly." Deanna said with a smile. "That's all I ask."

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